My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now I鈥檓 22 and he鈥檚 25. I should mention that we live together also. At the beginning of our relationship we would have sex all the time. But recently it鈥檚 definitely been at a decline. I think it started when he had to start working midnight shift for a few months and I was mainly working 3pm to 11pm so by the time I鈥檇 get home he鈥檇 be leaving. It almost feels like we fell into a bad routine of not having sex. Now about a year later it feels like we never broke that habit. I think myself esteem kind of took a blow with that also. Now about a month ago I plugged in my iPod and it brought up all the videos on our computer. That鈥檚 how I discovered the porn. Now it鈥檚 not an absurd amount or anything but it hurt me because I feel less than. When I confronted him about it he accused me of snooping and basically said that his imagination doesn鈥檛 cut it sometimes. It bothers me because I feel like he鈥檇 rather masturbate then have sex with me he insists that isn鈥檛 true but I just can鈥檛 seem to get over it. I haven鈥檛 said anything to him since then but it鈥檚 still rolling over and over in my mind. I know that most guys to look at porn and it shouldn鈥檛 be a big deal. Is the big deal my self esteem here? Also since the lack of sex it seems as though the only dreams I have are sex dreams me having sex with somebody that isn鈥檛 my boyfriend or sometimes my boyfriend. Along with day dreams about sex most of the day. All I really want is to be desired and wanted. I鈥檓 sure he wants this too. Am I just going to have to not be so stubborn and take the first step?? Beside this whole ordeal he is a pretty good boyfriend never gives me any reason to worry about cheating or anything like that.
But I鈥檓 also confused about his feelings for me now it seems along with the lack of sex a lack of affection has surfaced too any advice??? Or maybe I need to sack up and quite whining about this crap?Relationship advice please?
Christy, I first have to thanks for writing this, I know how you feel about a change in the routine. I am going to tell you you can change this routine by changing the way you think about you and stop blaming yourself for the change. Instead of putting sex on the bottom of your list put it closer to the top. I am sure you guys don't work 7 days a week. So, there is time for making love and not just having sex. The lack of sex for most men is a sign the relationship is not close anymore. Most men feel sex is the attention getter, where as in most females, it the feeling of being valued and wanted. Sit down with your fella and tell him how you feel about him looking at porn and how it makes you feel. Do blame him for looking at something when there is no sex going on. You both need to be more open with your feelings towards each other. Hiding feelings or doing things without each other knowing only creates more friction in the relationship.Relationship advice please?
Check out PassionsForum.com
It's a site for asking questions about relationships and other people on the site will give you their feedback and you can talk back... I feel like its better coverage than getting random answers on here because you can reply to them and have a full conversation about what your problem is.
Do you work on weekends? I know he is sleeping during the day but other couples make it work and so will you guys. Just have random unplanned sex. If our sex life is in such a bad shape, he want refuse you giving it to him. So find time and make time. It is a dual effort in sustaining a healthy relatioship.
It's sounds like he's satisfied the way things are now, but you are not. And for a relationship to work, you both need to be satisfied with your sex lives, be it together/solo. You two need to find some alone time, either when he gets back from work or on a weekend or something; do something sexy. Maybe buy some new lingerie for the occasion
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