I AM 23 YEARS OLD AND MY CHILDRENS MOTHER IS THE SAME.. WE STARTED OUR RELATIONSHIP IN MIDDLE SCHOOL SO WE HAVE ALOT OF HISTORY TOGETHER... THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT AND WE SEPERATED...
RECENTLY WE STARTED TO TALK AND SHE EXPLAINED HOW SHE'S BEEN IN LOVE WITH ME ALL THIS TIME AND SHE NOW WANTS TO TRY TO WORK THINGS OUT TO BE A FAMILY. SHE WANTS TO MOVE TO RHODE ISLAND TO START FRESH ON A NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH ME.
THE ONLY ISSUE IS THAT SHE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND WHO SHE AND MY CHILDREN LIVE WITH BUT SHE TOLD HIM SHE IS LEAVING TO GO UP NORTH. SHE EXPLAINED TO ME THAT SHE LOVES ME AND SHE WANTS ONLY ME AND LOVES ONLY ME.
NOW ... THIS NEW GUY SHE IS WITH HAS BEEN TAKIN CARE OF HER AND MY CHILDREN SO SHE DOES NOT WANT TO JUST UP AND LEAVE THIS DUDE COLD.. SHE IS HIS TRANSPORTATION TO WORK... BUT AS SOON AS SHE GETS HER MIND RIGHT SHE WANTS TO LEAVE... SO AT THE END OF THE DAY WHEN SHE LEAVES HIM.. SHE HAS MADE IT KNOWN TO ME THAT I AM WHO SHE PLANS ON BEING WITH. WE'VE BEEN SEEING EACHOTHER EVERYDAY AND SHE TOLD ME TO JUST GIVE HER ACOUPLE DAYS TO GATHER HER THOUGHTS AND TO THINK THINGS THROUGH.. LAST NIGHT SHE CALLED ME AND SAID THAT SHE WISHED I WAS THERE WITH HER AND THAT SHE CAN'T WAIT TO BE WITH ME..
MY PROBLEM IS THAT I AM ANXIOUS AND WANT IT NOW.......... I DON'T WANT TO WAIT BUT I DON'T WAN TO SCARE HER AWAY BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WAITING ON HER FOR SO LONG... IM SO IN LOVE.. NOW I KNOW SHE'S HAD SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND IT BOTHERS ME ALOT....
SOME ONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE..WE HAVE 2 BOYS THAT NEED USRELATIONSHIP ADVICE******* NEED HELP BAD... PLEASE READ?
Sounds like she's using the ';new'; boyfriend for financial support and keeping you on the side. If she feels so strongly about you, why else would she bring someone new in her life?
You make the plans to share her life with you sound like a done deal. If so, why does she need time to collect her thoughts and think things through? Has she made up her mind or not? What is she waiting for...to see how much more she can get out of her new boyfriend?
She's looking for someone to take care of her. Do you want to be solely responsible for that? Has she ever supported herself for any real length of time? If not, I would be worried. Just what does she plan on contributing to the household that she plans to share with you? If you're providing all of the income, the pressure will likely take its toll on you and eventually onto this relationship.
By the way, why would you let some other guy take care of your children? Haven't you been in their lives at all? When it comes to them, you shouldn't have to wait until the right time to step in. Go be a DAD, not just a seed spreader.
Bottom line: DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THE CHILDREN.RELATIONSHIP ADVICE******* NEED HELP BAD... PLEASE READ?
dude, she is living the best of both worlds. I do not believe for a second she is leaving the man she is living with. Sorry to say it buddy but she is playing the game and playing it well. Furthermore, there is a reason it did not work the first time so why tempt fate again.
If you think she is worth waiting for, then you should wait for her. There is no sense dwelling on the past if she has slept with other people--you can't do anything about that.
Be patient. There is not much else you can do. Hopefully she will follow through.
Decisions have consequences and both of you made decisions and choices and took action to cause her to sleep with other people. Get over it, forget about it, and move on - be ADULTS for the sake of the children.
she needs to end this relationship with the other guy.
Don't make any moves or decisions until she does that.
It isn't fair to the other guy to make plans with you while they are together.
She needs to be honest with him.
You've waited all this time, give her a couple of days to tie up loose ends
and try to end it with him amicably. If she doesn't keep her word, move on and don't look back her way again.
I'm just shaking my head right now that you're involved in a woman like this. I have no advise for you because you won't like what I have to say. So instead I'm just going to wish you luck.
Please try to work on your issues before making the huge step and moving! If you move back in together, then separate again you are going to hurt your children more.
Think before you act.
Be patient! If you really love her, and she loves you, it will happen! You can't push her, she has to do what's right for her too! You know what you want, and it sounds like she does too. But if you push her, you may regret it later! I know you have to be excited, but do you want something real, or do you want something right now????
ok ...... i think you should tell her how u feel and really make a OFFICIAL agreement of what y'all wanna do with ur life b/c if you are going to hold in how u feel.... within the next year you will be broken again..... you will burst out 1 day a in a regular disagreement and it will escalate wanna... Do you wanna know how i no this b/c i have a 4 mon old and it happened w/ me and the father of my daughter and we have been together for 3 years now and im now engaged and happier then ever! just relax and explain your feelings forget the tuff man inside be patient!
Your desires right now are outweighing everything else. But there were problems that caused your initial split, have you discussed those. Do you even remember the things she did that drove you nuts. Plus this guy she is with could be a nut case when she leaves, obviously he cares about her and the children. Best bet plan on getting counseling when you do get together.
She's totally playing both of you guys. She's having her cake and eating it too and she's being really unfair. Why even contemplate waiting for her - she's a player and she's slept around - she'll do that to you too! Forget her and move on. You can still be a father to your boys but as for a serious relationship - she doesn't sound like she is ready for it. And remember you two broke up for a reason.
Please listen ;
I know what it is to live with out my parents its one of the hardest thing to deal with.I hope she wants to be with you for the REST of your life's,cause raising kids is a life Time thing.Now i would not try to rush her if i weir you cause yes she might get scared away.BUT heres the thing(She should not let a man come FIRST your KIDS should Always come FIrst ).So if she loves you and the kids The guys should #1 (understand) #2 (if that was me ,id be out of their soo Fast ,his head would spin)and her having sex with other guys can get Beetwee you 2 when you have* SEX*so maybe you just might needs a Little help with that( a Consoler)anyhow that's not wants important here *your boys are the ones who will suffer if this goes on to long*good luck
i understand that you really love this women but the thing about it is that if she had loved you enough she would have already broken up with her boyfriend or she wouldn't even be with him right now. and if she just ups and leaves her boyfriend then i think that was kind of her fault. if she really wants you then she would have easily told you about these feelings a long time ago. i understand that you have to children together and it would really mean something to you. i think that the children would love to see you too together but wont you wonder if they would notice that the other man in their life that has been taking care of them was gone. they would start to wonder were that man has gone and then that is when it would be depended on you and that girl to tell them that they wont see him again. it will probably break their hearts but i just don't think that you should go with it. just talk to the mother and just start to catch up on things. don't be to quick because you never know if the exact same thing that had happened to you the first time will ever happen again. just really take my advice.
Okay - she's slept with somebody - give it a good long think, annoy yourself over it, then - LET IT GO.
You are a father and you have an opportunity to get back with her, and she with you. Its clear you two both want to, so make an effort to focus on the important item on your plate - getting your family back together.
That being said, though, set the deadline. She may be dragging her feet a little, and after all, do you want your kids being strung along and raised by another guy any more? You and her should set a date - the sooner the better - and get your move complete. Make a major, clean break. If her prior relationship(s) bother you, talk to a therapist about it, but don't under any circumstances, start fights with her over it. You two broke up, so it was fair game.
Best of luck to you. You have a second chance, so give it your best shot!
Life is ';choices'; but when you have children your choices must be whatever is in the ';best interest'; for your children. If you are both Truly going to get a fresh start then you must forget any past relationships or it will damage yours. (this is harder said than done) but if you are bothered by her having sex with other people you need to deal with it BEFORE you try and put this relationship back together.
Both of you need to be responsible adults for the sake of your kids otherwise they will only learn what you show them. (your actions speak louder than words). for example; if your child grows up and marries, has children then leaves the marriage and has other relationships then wants to be married again (after they gave up the first time) What's wrong with this picture? If they couldn't make it work the first time what makes you think it will work now? Children usually follow in their parents footsteps.
Teach your children, by doing what you know is the right thing to do. You both must do what is best for them always.
She also needs to be honest with herself, it's obvious she is not being honest with the guy she is living with. (talking to you on a daily basis, I'm sure he has no idea). Do you really want to have a relationship with someone who is not ';honest';. This will create problems, guaranteed.
It is better to have one stable and honest parent than two screwed up parents.
I know this is hard, but try to have patience with her. She does need to feel mentally ready to make the change. I know this because I am going through the same thing. As far as her being sexual with someone else, the past is the past and you will be better off forgetting that part as you move on together. Good luck to you both!
Be careful. You are vulnerable and you may not know the whole story.
Jumping from one relationship to another is very challenging because when no time has been taken to ';get over'; the situation, it can bring so much baggage that could have been eliminated by waiting for the fog to clear. She is vulnerable too, and you both have to be sure that you are getting back together for the right reasons.
Listen to your words, ';you are so in love';.
You have to think about this whole thing because you don't want to punish her when she returns to you for being with someone else while she wasn't with you. It might be a good idea to get some counseling together so that your relationship will have a chance at prospering.
Been there done that. If this woman wants to be with you then she'll be with you. No excuses ! As for the kids, ya don't have to be together to be parents, so everyone needs to drown that noise. Don't get me wrong it's the idea plan in life for the kids to have both parents together and raising them, but that may not be possible in every real world situation.
If her heart really wants you, then the matterialistic things the other man provides for her would be meaningless and she'd be with you. Time to get off the poop pot or use it.
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