Hi everyone. Gonna try cut this short but may still be long. If i miss anything out pls say and come look back a bit later as i will add information if i need to.
Basically i've been with my partner 3 years now, we're still young, only 21, have 2 kids together and we live together, since i had my first in Jan 2008 i've suffered really bad with post natal depression, which he never understood until just recently. We were having breaks here n there as we just weren't getting on and i wasn't sure what i wanted. His ex gf got in contact with me saying he had been up to stuff with her, i asked him about it, he denied it, said he's never seen her for years, the more we spoke i kept getting a little bit more and more of truth out of him, first he did see her a few times when she passed his house, then he text her a few times when we broke up, then that was it he was adamant nothing else happened, promised me n everything. We were ok for about 5days, then i get a phonecall off his ex saying she's got texts to prove alot of things, i asked him again n he still denied it, i said if i have to go meet her to see if this is true or not i will because i wont be made a fool of, he said u go meet her and we're over. By the end of the night he ended up admitting: he met up with her quite a few times whilst we were broke up, kissed her, they were telling each other they still loved each other and wanted to get back together etc. He says nothing else happened. Now i know this was all whilst we were broke up, but the lying when i asked him has really got to me, its actually tore me apart, i can't stop thinking what might or probably happend with them two, if he does actually wanna be with me or if he just is because we're all he has, if he ever thinks about her as last sat night he was at home with his mate having a drink i was upstairs in bed and heard him telling his mate about the first time he slept with this ex, now i dont see why he'd need to talk about her but maybe im missing a point there?
I really need help with this, as i want our relationship to work, i want us to be a happy family, im just struggling to forget all this. I've never had any trust issues, but he always has with me, always been paranoid and not trusting me 100% but i now realise that was his own guilty conscience making him not trust me. Any advice will be much appreciated. xxRelationship Advice...Trust issues...?
Yeah, tough situation :s
He never should have lied to you, it's true. But maybe he did it to ';protect'; you so to speak. You're together again, you're the mother of his children, he might have been afraid to lose you, because let's be honest, not a lot of women would tolerate that their boyfriend slept with an ex, break or no break.
I think it's wrong that he lied to you, and I hope he apologized and understands WHY you're hurt and promised never to do it again, but I can sort of understand what may have made him do it. If he didn't care about you, he would have just told you, or simply left as he wouldn't care. But he tried to spare you the details, keep the whole thing secret, maybe to spare your feelings or ';protect'; your relationship as it's seems you're going through some rough patches. I believe he does love you, and the relationship is worth saving so long as you've had a good long talk and he understands the problem and tries to resolve it.
For the paranoid part...some guys are just like that. My boyfriend is insanely paranoid and jelous, but I know it's because he's scared of losing me. We talked about it and he agreed to make an effort at being less paranoid if that's what I wanted. Maybe you could try and reason with your man too? It can't hurt...
Having said that, the talking about his ex with a mate is a complete lack of respect on his part and I would have had a fit if I were you, not make a scene but let it be known that you have feelings too and I imagine he wouldn't be very happy if you did the same thing.
I'm not sure if any of what I said is any help, but I hope it reassured you at least a litte :) I think your relationship can be saved with some serious discussions to make things clear for both of you, after all, you've been together for a while and have a family, it would be ashame to lose that over communication problems!
Good luck xxxRelationship Advice...Trust issues...?
no doubt lied as was totally scared of losing you just after getting you back again. he in his own mind was thinking if say anything then she will go even tho she says she wouldn't leave me etc. men have funny way thinking and dealing with things then us women. for us the truth no matter what it is, is needed but for them they be scared to say what the truth is in case leave and hide behind web lies thinking keep you more. but however this is something cant deal with in itself.
best sit him down and have proper real heart to heart with him, ask him out straight no lies if wants to be with you as if not don't want waste your time together when could be out there waiting for somebody else to come along. if he agrees to stay with you and work on things, then think he needs to prove he can be trusted, ie. make list things for him to do so can apologise, which can be from cooking for a month, cleaning for 2months, changing his phone number and only select people will know of it or swap phones with you for a week to see if really trusts you. no more contact with this ex also and he could also treat you to flowers choc, take out for night while have sitter etc etc, things like this on the list which he must follow. this will also have ye bonding again if have family days out, couples night etc.
you need to also have time for self family and friends as well as your own family as too much time is bad thing also in each other pockets, where going have fights all the time, and this way be only more happier being around each other - just need find self and balance within this relationship again, if want it to work.
sit talk and see what happens, need communicate to understand more and work on things - good luck
hiya, as a old married mother of 3 grown up kids 43 yrs married and still in love.i was a 17yr old virgin bride.i was told on my wedding day that to keep the marriage strong ,then you must always be honest even if it could split you up,and always be truth full no matter how much it hurt or could hurt you..and i believe its as to be like that if you want your relationship to last.if you have made a mistake and you know its going to hurt your partner you must tell him/her and hope for forgiveness,and a second chance because you would learn by your mistake.what your guy did is break rule 1/2 and that is honesty.it would have been much easier if he told you the truth from the beginning,then you would not be in this mess.and you could have talk it over and maybe work though it and get on with your lives as a family again.and no more not trusting each other and start of by being honest to each other.good luck.x
Ok he was with his ex BUT u were on a break an yeh he lied but u did,nt expect him to own up to it did you ???
If a guy is gonna stray he will !! but u not trustin him an bien paranoid all the time it will b sooner rather than later ??
My advice is an u dont have to take it ? draw a line in the sand try again but if i were you watch his ex ???
she is out to cause trouble !!!! lol
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