ok i know for a fact my fiance and i are inlove. we are engaged but im starting to worry. everytime we fight about something HE does, he turns it around on me and i end up apologizing. i have expressed my concern and he again, turned it around on me.
example:
(he is super jealous)
my brother called, asking to speak to me. my fiance was next to me and would not give me the phone because my brother didn't say who it was exactly. eventually i ended up having to call my brother later..bummer.
so i said to him how i was upset about it and how he needs to trust me, because i mean seriously, how can you marry someone you can't trust? basically he said if i had just told him who it was we wouldn't have had the problem, and that i always talk to other men.
(my best friend is a man and yes, he's gay.)
other than that i don't talk to many male friends..atleast not even close to the amount of women he talks to.
so basically i am always apologizing for something he did wrong, he can never take fault.
how can i actually get through to him?Relationship advice..?
Well maybe you should listen to your man. He told you he is uncomfortable with how you treat other men in your life.....if you keep ignoring him you are just going to make things worse. When he tells you something respect him enough to deal with it. Does not matter if he is right...he deserves more respect than to be ignored cause you feel he is wrong. Chances are you are both wrong and you had both better learn to talk to each otherRelationship advice..?
You are both being picky picky and you dont sound ready for marriage or an adult relationship yet.
If you have these little annoyances in your life and you cant live with them then you are not in love, definitely not, when you are in love there is respect, trust and understanding.
Clearly neither of you have these three things in your life so either split now before the rot sets in or work through these with a counsellor before you even consider marrying.
umm well personally, i wouldn't marry him because the fights would get worse and worse.
and marriage is all about communication. it wouldn't work if he never actually hears what you're saying and understand your point.
This man is finding a way to control you. Beware and do not set a date for a wedding until this gets resolved. In my experience, it is difficult for a controlling man to stop
I was in exactly the same boat as you. My husband used to do the exact same thing until I finally realized that I am letting him do this to me by always being the one to apologize in order to avoid a long dragged out fight. He always had to be right! I decided to stick to my guns and held out the fight until my husband saw my point. At first we had very long fights, some of them ended by me refusing to apologize and telling him that I disagree and that we will have to agree to disagree. Since I wont apologize unless I am wrong, my husband has started admitting when he is in the wrong and apologizing.
you need to tell him that your getting to the point where you've had enough, and tell him that your sick of him turning it around on you all the time, just tell him you need space and make him go somewhere for a week or you go stay somewhere for a week, if he asks why just say you need to think about where this relationship is going to end up if he keeps on this way and that will surely make him poo his pants and straighten up and fly right. see, if you just make out that your really having serious doubts about your relationship it wil probably make him realize more other than if you just tell him, the fear or losing you will be enough to make him pull his finger out. but you really need to go see a relationship physiologist.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Relationship Advice?!?
I am in a very hard spot right now, I have been with my ex finacee for almost 3 years %26amp; we have the most amazing daughter and all together family. He is a great dad, nice to me, amazing sex life. He has a problem with cheating on me over the internet, I have cought him 4 times and have kept trying to make it work for our daughter. I am not bad looking and all over good person, I cook, clean, have sex with him when ever he wants, and love him more then I can express. This last time I found email and text to someone about 3 hours away but he claims they never met. I have made the choice to move back to where my family is and end it. I can't take the way he makes me feel anymore, I asked him why and he said it was because I was mean to him and he thought I was cheating. I have not cheated on him and have been faithful to him for Three years, I lost my virginity to this man for god sakes! I am tired of him blaming me for his cheating, I have tried my best to be the fiancee he wanted and it kills me to move away with our daughter but I have no choice. I plan on coming back to visit but I am a stay at home mom and can not afford to live on my own right now. Ok so now the advice, do we try to work it out and get counciling or do I run for the hills? He has never physically cheated on me but I am scared if I stay he will think this is ok and it will escilate.
PLEASE HELP!Relationship Advice?!?
Um I really don't think counseling will help this, seriously.
If he thinks YOU'RE cheating, well, that's a very obvious sign that HE has the problem. You're way too trusting. I'm very sorry to say it and it's very hard hearing this from someone who doesn't even know you, but I know the telltale signs and oh my he has them like big red flags!!
I'm sorry you'll have to break your heart and your baby's heart, but I really think you should take your own advice and head for the hills!!!
See if you can find someone you trust to watch your baby while you work or go to school.
Think about your future and how you can better it WITHOUT him in it! He's NOT good for you!
YOu sound like such an amazing woman who can get the most amazing man to match you. He is not your match, but a user and a loser.
Good luck hon, and follow your HEAD on this one and not your feelings/heart.Relationship Advice?!?
Run for the hill. He kept cheating you, he made you feel guilty AND doubt yourself. It sounds like he's manipulating you and taking advantage of you. Yes, you have a daughter...but do you REALLY think he'll change? It'd be best to bring her up in a stable home without a (live in) dad than in an environment like that.
Definitely counseling.
He hasn't crossed that threshold of ';physical cheating'; obviously, but judging from your feelings, there are serious issues to be resolved through a counselor.
PLEASE HELP!Relationship Advice?!?
Um I really don't think counseling will help this, seriously.
If he thinks YOU'RE cheating, well, that's a very obvious sign that HE has the problem. You're way too trusting. I'm very sorry to say it and it's very hard hearing this from someone who doesn't even know you, but I know the telltale signs and oh my he has them like big red flags!!
I'm sorry you'll have to break your heart and your baby's heart, but I really think you should take your own advice and head for the hills!!!
See if you can find someone you trust to watch your baby while you work or go to school.
Think about your future and how you can better it WITHOUT him in it! He's NOT good for you!
YOu sound like such an amazing woman who can get the most amazing man to match you. He is not your match, but a user and a loser.
Good luck hon, and follow your HEAD on this one and not your feelings/heart.Relationship Advice?!?
Run for the hill. He kept cheating you, he made you feel guilty AND doubt yourself. It sounds like he's manipulating you and taking advantage of you. Yes, you have a daughter...but do you REALLY think he'll change? It'd be best to bring her up in a stable home without a (live in) dad than in an environment like that.
Definitely counseling.
He hasn't crossed that threshold of ';physical cheating'; obviously, but judging from your feelings, there are serious issues to be resolved through a counselor.
Relationship Advice!!!?
I have a boyfriend that i've been having a serious relationship for about 9 months. About two months ago he wrote his ex fiance a ';Miss you'; letter and then I found it unfortunately in his email. He apologized and took everything back that he said to her...and wrote her another email saying he didn't mean what he wrote. Lately I get so curious and emotional and insecure that he's doing or going to do it again. I love him and I gave him a second chance. How do I get past it? and learn to trust him again and not worry and wonder about it? Relationship Advice!!!?
It's hard to forget, but you took him back so you have to get past it. Why not talk about it to him? See what he has to say. If he wants your trust back, he will try and convince you why he deserves it.
It's hard to forget, but you took him back so you have to get past it. Why not talk about it to him? See what he has to say. If he wants your trust back, he will try and convince you why he deserves it.
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE :$?!?
its not really a problem, its more like something that i really want.
well this guy %26amp; me called jay have known eachother a year and liked eachother for about 10 months. believe me, its nothing silly. i love him. he says he loves me. hes protective. tells me how gorgerous i am each day.accepts all my flaws, tells me im brilliant. hes the most caring person ive met in my life. hes perfect for me, i know hes something special.
the only thing that is stopping us is the distance..
he lives 1 and a half hours away ..
i dont know if i should let anything happen. id miss him too much ..
any advice?RELATIONSHIP ADVICE :$?!?
its hard to have a long distance relationship but for allot of people it works!! you just have to organize a plan to when you visit each other! if you really love each other very much then you can make it workRELATIONSHIP ADVICE :$?!?
If you feel like he is the right guy for you then jump on the opportunity. If you (and he) really want this to work then the fact of you two living an 1 1/2 hours away can be overcome. You can get a webcam and call each other, meet in a town half-way. There are many ways for you two to see each other. I wish you good luck in making this decision!
an hour and a half away isn't really that bad, when me and my boyfriend got together he was an hour and 15 minutes away, you just stay round his more, and what can be the problem in that! also i think distance can be good in a relationship because the time you spend together is more precious than if you lived 5 mins away from him, personally i think if you've found some one you love then it's worth doing anything for. good luck and hope it goes well.
well aways c him every other week
c him a few times but keep in contact with each other. it doesnt or shouldnt matter how far he lives as long as u love each other.
stay with him! if you love him. then distance shouldn't matter relly. have a few late nights. or spend weekends. or. if you think you can commit/ afford or w.e move in together maybe???????
big commitment. but if you love him it shouldn't be a problem.
if you guys really love each other you'll work through it at least long enough until you know if its really serious or not because if its really serious and you two would eventually want to be together forever you can move in together and that will solve the distance problem.... long distance relationships are complicated because there are those times when you want to be held or you just want to see him and the only way is to travel and how much can someone take of that? but if you feel like he is reallllly worth it and you two care about each other enough you can work it out.
if you REALLY DO love the guy, then a measly hour and a half wont do any damage, after all its just a drive and your there... if he really cares for u like he said he does then you have nothing to worry about
well if u two luv each other so much then it shouldn't be a problem no matter how far. maybe u could do some live web chat or something.
well this guy %26amp; me called jay have known eachother a year and liked eachother for about 10 months. believe me, its nothing silly. i love him. he says he loves me. hes protective. tells me how gorgerous i am each day.accepts all my flaws, tells me im brilliant. hes the most caring person ive met in my life. hes perfect for me, i know hes something special.
the only thing that is stopping us is the distance..
he lives 1 and a half hours away ..
i dont know if i should let anything happen. id miss him too much ..
any advice?RELATIONSHIP ADVICE :$?!?
its hard to have a long distance relationship but for allot of people it works!! you just have to organize a plan to when you visit each other! if you really love each other very much then you can make it workRELATIONSHIP ADVICE :$?!?
If you feel like he is the right guy for you then jump on the opportunity. If you (and he) really want this to work then the fact of you two living an 1 1/2 hours away can be overcome. You can get a webcam and call each other, meet in a town half-way. There are many ways for you two to see each other. I wish you good luck in making this decision!
an hour and a half away isn't really that bad, when me and my boyfriend got together he was an hour and 15 minutes away, you just stay round his more, and what can be the problem in that! also i think distance can be good in a relationship because the time you spend together is more precious than if you lived 5 mins away from him, personally i think if you've found some one you love then it's worth doing anything for. good luck and hope it goes well.
well aways c him every other week
c him a few times but keep in contact with each other. it doesnt or shouldnt matter how far he lives as long as u love each other.
stay with him! if you love him. then distance shouldn't matter relly. have a few late nights. or spend weekends. or. if you think you can commit/ afford or w.e move in together maybe???????
big commitment. but if you love him it shouldn't be a problem.
if you guys really love each other you'll work through it at least long enough until you know if its really serious or not because if its really serious and you two would eventually want to be together forever you can move in together and that will solve the distance problem.... long distance relationships are complicated because there are those times when you want to be held or you just want to see him and the only way is to travel and how much can someone take of that? but if you feel like he is reallllly worth it and you two care about each other enough you can work it out.
if you REALLY DO love the guy, then a measly hour and a half wont do any damage, after all its just a drive and your there... if he really cares for u like he said he does then you have nothing to worry about
well if u two luv each other so much then it shouldn't be a problem no matter how far. maybe u could do some live web chat or something.
Relationship advice ?
my bf and i were in a very wonderful relationship [in love about to move in w/ each other] then he switched to a diff. college but we stayed in contact and visited each other often.
then he lost his phone for 2 weeks and wasn'tt able to talk to me, when he got a new one he kept asking why in the 2 weeks did i cheat on him. i was pretty upset since ihadn'tt talked to him for 2 weeks and plus he was accusing me of cheating so i got an attitude and told him iwasn'tt to sure about keeping our relationship going.. anyways so i got myself together and realized i was being quite mean but now when i try to talk to him he ignores me . so what do i do ?
all answerer's= thank you, ;] Relationship advice ?
Sweetheart, it seems as though you left out pertinent information in your question: Did you cheat on him? Why was that brought up? Did you state you hadn't cheated? What questions did you confront him with? Has or had he in fact cheated?
The two of you must (1) Be mature. Stop flying off the handle, get your emotions under control and be calm. (2) Be honest. Tell the truth and ask for the truth. Don't dangle carrots nor be pretentious just to get a response. (3) Finally, make decisions based on the facts: Whether the relationship can survive long distance, if there is a trust factor in play, and how much time you are willing to put into this.
You will know if it's going anywhere. Be focused and make sound decisions for your life. --Keep your head up!Relationship advice ?
Try ro call him and talk about it. That's about all you can do. Maybe, he's calmed down now.
then he lost his phone for 2 weeks and wasn'tt able to talk to me, when he got a new one he kept asking why in the 2 weeks did i cheat on him. i was pretty upset since ihadn'tt talked to him for 2 weeks and plus he was accusing me of cheating so i got an attitude and told him iwasn'tt to sure about keeping our relationship going.. anyways so i got myself together and realized i was being quite mean but now when i try to talk to him he ignores me . so what do i do ?
all answerer's= thank you, ;] Relationship advice ?
Sweetheart, it seems as though you left out pertinent information in your question: Did you cheat on him? Why was that brought up? Did you state you hadn't cheated? What questions did you confront him with? Has or had he in fact cheated?
The two of you must (1) Be mature. Stop flying off the handle, get your emotions under control and be calm. (2) Be honest. Tell the truth and ask for the truth. Don't dangle carrots nor be pretentious just to get a response. (3) Finally, make decisions based on the facts: Whether the relationship can survive long distance, if there is a trust factor in play, and how much time you are willing to put into this.
You will know if it's going anywhere. Be focused and make sound decisions for your life. --Keep your head up!Relationship advice ?
Try ro call him and talk about it. That's about all you can do. Maybe, he's calmed down now.
Relationship advice please.?
Well basically, theres this guy i like in year 11, and he knows me and hes in my science class (he moved away so hes doing too lots of GCSEs in a year) and ive came friends with him and i really like him now and at lunch my mate and him had to practise there music performance so i went to watch and it was cancelled and this other guy came along who i know with my ex, and his best mate and a few others and he was all over me when i know he likes this other girl, anyway he was hugging me and everything, then the other guy came over and my friend said he looked quite gutted, but i'm not with the guy hugging me hes just a player, and i was like ahh dont rape me cause the guy i like was there and i didn't want him getting the wrong idea, so after the guy i like went away back to his friends but i felt really confident and i was going to hug him but i didnt i felt nervous. Anyway i'm now waiting for the guy to come online so i can explain to him.
Any advice on what to do?
Like getting the year 11 to like me?Relationship advice please.?
Your sending out mixed messages to the guy you want to be with. Why were you letting someone hug you that you weren't interested in?... because believe me, the guy you ARE interested in was asking himself that very same question. You could have avoided this entire situation simply by growing a spine. As the guy moves his arm to hug you, move out of his reach. Its not hard, and the guy who you actually want would have seen that and you wouldn't have to explain anything later.
Oh sure, you can ';explain'; it to him online, but nothing tells people how you really feel then by what your actions are... because NOW, your words are not going to match your actions. You DIDN'T want that hug and yet, you made no move to stop it. This guy is no idiot... he knows what he saw.makeup tips
Any advice on what to do?
Like getting the year 11 to like me?Relationship advice please.?
Your sending out mixed messages to the guy you want to be with. Why were you letting someone hug you that you weren't interested in?... because believe me, the guy you ARE interested in was asking himself that very same question. You could have avoided this entire situation simply by growing a spine. As the guy moves his arm to hug you, move out of his reach. Its not hard, and the guy who you actually want would have seen that and you wouldn't have to explain anything later.
Oh sure, you can ';explain'; it to him online, but nothing tells people how you really feel then by what your actions are... because NOW, your words are not going to match your actions. You DIDN'T want that hug and yet, you made no move to stop it. This guy is no idiot... he knows what he saw.
Relationship advice please?
Ok here goes,
My girfriend and I have been living together for 1 and 1/2 years. We have spent just about every waking moment together since that time. We love each other alot and have fun together.
Recently she began working full time and has been extremely stressed. She works when I am off and I work when shes off. Last night she said ';we need to talk.';
She claimed that she had been with me alot for the last 18 months and she needs some room. She says she's getting too used to me. So when she see's me shes not excited. She claims ';Im just there'; and its not fun anymore. I feel as if she cant do anything for herself. I am there at her every beck and call. She has no independance at all and really no friends besides me. I am the same way except that I don't care not to have alot of friends. I really get my entertainment from taking care of her 24/7.
She says she needs friends and wants to go out with them and just have someone to talk to. I immediatley got upset, because I told her that I didn't understand why she would be tired when we actually see each other less. She apparently claimed that she just needed my support. I feel different about her now, as if this is the beginning to an end. I told her that if she wants to live seperatley and see other people its ok. She is absolutely convinced she loves me and doesnt want to live elsewhere. She just wants to regain that spark she felt in the beginning. Can you please tell me what I can do, as her boyfriend to help us both get that spark back. I know people have done this before and ran into problems. Please offer some advice. I don't want to lose her, but should I begin looking elsewhere? I am confused and sad.
ThanksRelationship advice please?
Well honestly I think you should support her let her make friends girl friends that she can hang out with once in awhile,you should try doing it to you might not care but it can help the both of you, and if you guys don't go out try that at least once or twice a week,away from stress and your place some where you both are around people and can have fun movies,dinner,dancing etc. Try re-getting to know each other and do things that got you two together in the first place.Relationship advice please?
I believe that this is the beginning of the end. You have seen each other for too long. She knows you all too well as you said. Things have become boring. Maybe this was not meant to be.
just dont be so clingy. girls hate clingy guys. especailly when theyre living with one.
You have now seen first hand the danger that lurks in the darkness when a couple begins to live together before marriage!! I don't know what can be done here friend. Perhaps see if she is willing to live separate for a while like a normal dating couple. If so, you may find new light begin to shine on the two of you. As with anything approach her with this idea in a loving, understanding, and GENTLE way. Keep you tone of voice low and see what she says.
You guys can be so blind sometimes.
She has her eye on someone else. I'm not saying that she is doing anything, but she's getting ready. He may have done nothing but be nice to her and she's imagining the whole 'future with him' thing in her sick little mind. The thing is that she feels that he will need to provide for her the way you do. She's going to leave you as soon as this new dude tells her to move in with him - if it happens.
She's a needy chick. I know all this because I am one and I would do it exactly the same way.
Try planning a vacation for the two of you. It will give you time to talk and relax. It will also be nice to change the scenery for a while. That's what it sounds like she needs.
I am sorry that you are upset.
I believe you need to revisit this conversation and ask her what brought her to her decision.
Also, it sounds like you answered full of emotion and didn't give yourself time to thin and react.
She is asking for some space, what type of space? ask her.
Ask her what she is expecting to get when she goes out with her friends.
Living with someone is tough because you begin to loose your independence and it is scary.
If you are not OK with her hanging out and having friends then that is a different issue but if it is OK with you then let her know.
If she wants to go out or have her friends over then let her know that you don't mind that.
She maybe getting tired of the routine, she is asking for spark, so then that is when you begin to plan more activities together on your days off, not the same movie night, or dinner at home, plan something different.
I don't think it is the beginning to the end, I think she wants to prevent the official break up and she is trying to come up with alternatives.
Spending time apart like visiting friends or family is not so bad because it allows you time to miss each other.
Let her know that you are there for her in her stressful time and that you want to work things out.
Much Luck!
If her new found ';I need room'; is rather sudden, it could be that there's someone who has caught her eye. That doesn't mean that anything has happened, as a guy you should know that many girls have caught your eye.
After 18 months of 24/7 there's probably not as much excitement as in the beginning. You two should be at a point where that is not needed. I feel the intense feelings in a beginning relationship are needed to keep people together long enough to see if something is there. After 18 months you know know that. Maybe she does.
Now, there is nothing wrong with you two having other friends and having nights apart to be with the boys or the girls--that is normal and healthy. If you try to pull her closer while she is trying to create space, this will come to crashing halt. She proabably does love you. She needs friends too. Since you're not married, you should make it your idea to say ';you and your girlfriends should go do____'; The boys and I are going to do _________. If the relationship is doomed, pulling her closer, getting angry and suggesting seeing other people, is not the way to save it.
My girfriend and I have been living together for 1 and 1/2 years. We have spent just about every waking moment together since that time. We love each other alot and have fun together.
Recently she began working full time and has been extremely stressed. She works when I am off and I work when shes off. Last night she said ';we need to talk.';
She claimed that she had been with me alot for the last 18 months and she needs some room. She says she's getting too used to me. So when she see's me shes not excited. She claims ';Im just there'; and its not fun anymore. I feel as if she cant do anything for herself. I am there at her every beck and call. She has no independance at all and really no friends besides me. I am the same way except that I don't care not to have alot of friends. I really get my entertainment from taking care of her 24/7.
She says she needs friends and wants to go out with them and just have someone to talk to. I immediatley got upset, because I told her that I didn't understand why she would be tired when we actually see each other less. She apparently claimed that she just needed my support. I feel different about her now, as if this is the beginning to an end. I told her that if she wants to live seperatley and see other people its ok. She is absolutely convinced she loves me and doesnt want to live elsewhere. She just wants to regain that spark she felt in the beginning. Can you please tell me what I can do, as her boyfriend to help us both get that spark back. I know people have done this before and ran into problems. Please offer some advice. I don't want to lose her, but should I begin looking elsewhere? I am confused and sad.
ThanksRelationship advice please?
Well honestly I think you should support her let her make friends girl friends that she can hang out with once in awhile,you should try doing it to you might not care but it can help the both of you, and if you guys don't go out try that at least once or twice a week,away from stress and your place some where you both are around people and can have fun movies,dinner,dancing etc. Try re-getting to know each other and do things that got you two together in the first place.Relationship advice please?
I believe that this is the beginning of the end. You have seen each other for too long. She knows you all too well as you said. Things have become boring. Maybe this was not meant to be.
just dont be so clingy. girls hate clingy guys. especailly when theyre living with one.
You have now seen first hand the danger that lurks in the darkness when a couple begins to live together before marriage!! I don't know what can be done here friend. Perhaps see if she is willing to live separate for a while like a normal dating couple. If so, you may find new light begin to shine on the two of you. As with anything approach her with this idea in a loving, understanding, and GENTLE way. Keep you tone of voice low and see what she says.
You guys can be so blind sometimes.
She has her eye on someone else. I'm not saying that she is doing anything, but she's getting ready. He may have done nothing but be nice to her and she's imagining the whole 'future with him' thing in her sick little mind. The thing is that she feels that he will need to provide for her the way you do. She's going to leave you as soon as this new dude tells her to move in with him - if it happens.
She's a needy chick. I know all this because I am one and I would do it exactly the same way.
Try planning a vacation for the two of you. It will give you time to talk and relax. It will also be nice to change the scenery for a while. That's what it sounds like she needs.
I am sorry that you are upset.
I believe you need to revisit this conversation and ask her what brought her to her decision.
Also, it sounds like you answered full of emotion and didn't give yourself time to thin and react.
She is asking for some space, what type of space? ask her.
Ask her what she is expecting to get when she goes out with her friends.
Living with someone is tough because you begin to loose your independence and it is scary.
If you are not OK with her hanging out and having friends then that is a different issue but if it is OK with you then let her know.
If she wants to go out or have her friends over then let her know that you don't mind that.
She maybe getting tired of the routine, she is asking for spark, so then that is when you begin to plan more activities together on your days off, not the same movie night, or dinner at home, plan something different.
I don't think it is the beginning to the end, I think she wants to prevent the official break up and she is trying to come up with alternatives.
Spending time apart like visiting friends or family is not so bad because it allows you time to miss each other.
Let her know that you are there for her in her stressful time and that you want to work things out.
Much Luck!
If her new found ';I need room'; is rather sudden, it could be that there's someone who has caught her eye. That doesn't mean that anything has happened, as a guy you should know that many girls have caught your eye.
After 18 months of 24/7 there's probably not as much excitement as in the beginning. You two should be at a point where that is not needed. I feel the intense feelings in a beginning relationship are needed to keep people together long enough to see if something is there. After 18 months you know know that. Maybe she does.
Now, there is nothing wrong with you two having other friends and having nights apart to be with the boys or the girls--that is normal and healthy. If you try to pull her closer while she is trying to create space, this will come to crashing halt. She proabably does love you. She needs friends too. Since you're not married, you should make it your idea to say ';you and your girlfriends should go do____'; The boys and I are going to do _________. If the relationship is doomed, pulling her closer, getting angry and suggesting seeing other people, is not the way to save it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)